


(A funny thing happened) on the way to Urban-Fantasyland

by Eleint



Category: Original Work
Genre: Fairy Tales, Folklore, Mythology - Freeform, Other, Supernatural Creatures, Urban Fantasy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-03
Updated: 2016-12-03
Packaged: 2018-09-06 03:32:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8733133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eleint/pseuds/Eleint
Summary: In the words of Diana Wynne Jones: this is Urban Fantasyland. The Horror-ville tour is several districts over. 
A collection of short sentences based upon life if fantasy and myth were normalized into modern day society. 
This work is set as complete for now, but future additions may occur - as chapters, or a series.





	1. Guidelines

**Author's Note:**

> This draws inspiration for all sorts of places. My life, news stories, things I've read along the way, the odd humdrum of the mundane and ordinary made larger than life... and of course, Diana Wynne Jones. Who has always been a pivotal author for me.

  1. Please do not feed the sewer dragons. They are the cause of the rumbling and leakages which plague the city. 
  2. Be careful when walking past the unicorn enclosure. They startle easily, and the last stampede shut down main street for six hours. 
  3. Be sure to book spa sessions well in advance during Gorgon shedding season. Mud exfoliation and steam treatments sell out quick. 
  4. Riding kelpies is generally frowned upon. Too many bodies were left in the lake before the invention of scuba gear. 
  5. Remember to check your house for ectoplasmic emissions every year. Bylaw Thirteen exists for a reason.




	2. For that is my nature

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nuisances don't have to introduce themselves...
> 
> They just are.

  1. Dragons can, if they wish, interrupt outdoor birthday celebrations and blow out the candles. 
  2. Kirin often blew bubbles in the fountain, water splashing over the cobbles. Folks tolerated them, for they were lucky. 
  3. The ravens knew too much. Worried, harpies banded together in hopes of keeping them from opening their third eye. The colors of Fate's threads were jealously hoarded by their pets. Interlopers were _not_ welcome. 
  4. Night-mares slink to the dentists, stray fears and terror-strands stuck between their teeth. The remains were wrapped in spun-sugar dreams and burned. Puffs of smoke caused hallucinations of runaway dentures, and eerie grins; patients chased by chattering teeth, and the nagging sense of unease. 
  5. Not even a Dyson could beat out fairy dust, their untamed magics set off by careless tongues. Buildings have been condemned for less.




	3. No one even blinks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We can get used to anything.

  1. Ever since they installed the sphinx at City Hall, the number of complaints have gone down. So has the pigeon population. 
  2. Upon questioning the existence of perytons in the park, some city dwellers simply pointed out the Chimera. 
  3. Black Cats stole nightmares away. Children would leave their windows open in hopes that one would visit. 
  4. Banks built vaults by the seas; and changing rooms. They were popular with selkie tourists who wanted to see a city.




	4. Adaptation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some things are lost, some things are gained.

  1. Merfolk are a proud people, and so wouldn't speak once ashore. Their voices were nails on a chalkboard. Only the Deaf could hear them; fingers flashing, flashing. The shapes a language all their own. 
  2. Foo dogs cannot be bought or sold. Foo dogs chose _you_. Like any responsible pet owner, they keep you safe. (You get no say in this.) 
  3. Sirens sang of dreams and love along the harbor: Of the waters that no longer welcomed them, below the murky, polluted waves.
  4. Grandmothers no longer lived in the woods, the trees had been cut down ages past. 




	5. Paperwork

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hate the stuff. So does everyone else.

When the paperwork fairies quit, widespread panic ensued. "Who would file everything in triplicate now?" we cried.

"Three is not a magic number," they said, sidling back into the Hills. "Being ignored till someone needs you to fill in the blanks is not a responsible use of magic."

Other reasons included over work, burnout and inadequate pay, but we didn't care. We had gotten used to ink-free fingers, too reluctant to pick up our pens and remember what it was like before.

**Author's Note:**

> First posted on twitter [@FennecReasons](https://twitter.com/FennecReasons). Edited.


End file.
